Press ‘Enter’ to demonstrate your ability to read.

Blood Dragon is a work of genius. Not in the actual, strictest possible sense of what genius means (your Einsteins, your Mozarts, you Uwe Bolls and your whathaveyous), nor in the same overhyped way that some c*** on Radio 1 felt that Kylie Minogue voicing Florence in the 2005 film version of The Magic Roundabout was ‘a work of genius’ (idiots). No, somewhere in the middle. But more toward the Mozart end. Look, anyway…..

Far Cry 3 was one of my favourite games of last year. It was outstanding. The deliciously beautiful open world never got dull. Crafting goods from the hides and skins of the catalogue of wildlife on the island(s) was for me a unique element which I had not seen in shooters before. The gameplay never dulled or became a chore despite the games size; plenty of guns, just enough mods, and each weapon felt satisfying and hefty,  perfect for mowing down ranks of red-shirted pirates – or ninja the shit out of them without anyone knowing you were even there, if you’d prefer. All very splendid. And then there was Vaas. Aaaahhhh Vaas. The psychotic, mohawked maniacal antagonist. He’s right up there among the best gaming bad guys For me What a classic.

So when I heard about a Far Cry 3 DLC, I was all happy like, innit. Then I saw the promo title card……..

BloodDragon

Well, I thought it was a wind up (I think it was announced on April 1st but I can’t be sure). It was the kind of thing that made you think “man, if only they really did have the balls to do something like that……”. Well they only went and friggin did it.

I know I’m a bit slow on the uptake here, I’m well aware that Blood Dragon has been out for a while now but dammit I’m just a bit behind with my gaming roster of late. Please don’t send in letters of complaint, the problem is being addressed.

Blood Dragon is a work of genius. It is the epitomy of everything we loved about 80’s sci-fi action with all the cheese, the macho one liners, the ridiculous make-up, the sickly neon from The Running Man, the helicopters and miniguns from Predator (parodied proudly in the opening scene), not to mention cliché after cliché after cliché. It is absolutely perfik. Rex Power Colt played by Michael Biehn (if I have to tell you who he is you really shouldn’t be here) spits out one liners that would make John Matrix sit up and beg for buttermilk.

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Y’know tutorials. We all hate them, right? I mean, either they’re compulsory in which case you just resent them and start a game on a downer, or they are optional in which case part of you feels like you should play them just in case there is something you need to know which you would otherwise miss (which of course there never is). Or worse – if you’re me – you feel obliged to play them out of some weird completionist attitude whereby it somehow means you won’t have really ever finished the game if you don’t trudge through it. Ridiculous. Well, Blood Dragon is fully aware of the two unavoidable truths of tutorials. 1) You need to have one. 2) Everyone hates them. The result is the best, most self-aware tutorial you’ll ever get. Others should take note. When a tutorial asks you to “Press ENTER to demonstrate your ability to read” you know you’re playing something a bit lovely and different and special.

There is one glaring issue I have which is actually a bit of a b*tch but not enough to warrant too much of a black mark. There’s no way of binding mouse-wheel up/down, which means they are stuck at swapping grenade type instead of next/previous weapon. Bit of a weird one this because it was right there front-and-centre as standard on Far Cry 3. But anyway…..

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon then. A piece of work and no mistake. Do make sure you play it. It’s available on Steam for just 10.99 of your mighty British bucks and worth every last ickle bit.

Now go forth and play.

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3 thoughts on “Press ‘Enter’ to demonstrate your ability to read.

  1. Pingback: Far Cry 3 | Retrospective Review - BagoGames.com

  2. Johne758

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    Reply
  3. Johnd245

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